Contentment

Today I contemplated....

      getting a PhD in theology

                                          teaching piano lessons out of my home
 

               buying a goat instead of a puppy when I return to the states

 
     painting my nails 3 different colors

                                          that I may be a heathen for living      where I am, but  not attending church



But instead I decided that I am going to start observing the sabbath. 


            

Long Overdue and Waiting!

Well we are getting close to the 3 week mark and still no blog! AAAAHH!!!! :O

We just finished our mid-term break and today classes began once more. Technically we have been on break since last Friday. We didn’t have classes on Wednesday because of some major flooding; on Thursday only two thirds of the students for every class could make it to school. So I guess I have had some time to write, but somehow I haven’t gotten around to it… Also, even though there wasn’t school we still had A LOT of work to do. Namely grading, which in it of itself isn’t very bad, but still quite time consuming (as I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts). So thank you for being so patient with us!

Th break has been really good! Somehow Lizziey and I managed to make it to Accra on Sunday morning. We stayed at her cousin’s house, which was fully equipped with internet, air conditioning and a 11 to 12 ft. deep swimming pool. Let me just say that the pool is a VERY big deal for me. I love to swim, and I especially love the feeling of being underwater! This pool is perfect for both. It is long enough for me to just barely make it from one side to the other in just one breath, and it is deep enough to require depressurizing your ears. Yeap, I was in pool heaven! I swam until my fingers got all prunny and wrinkled, and then I lounged by the pool to dry off. While I was drying, and let’s face it partially tanning, I listened to some Latin pop favorites. That’s when IT happened… for the briefest moment, I felt like I was back home (in Puerto Rico)! Even with my eyes opened, everything around me was familiar looking. Then a salsa song started to play, and I was overcome with the urge to dance. I dance a few steps and pretty soon I’ve managed to get Lizziey to join in. We danced until the end of the song and then made our way back inside the apartment.By this time it was around 1:30 (9:30 a.m. back home) and I managed to video Skype with my mom. I was also able to watch the live stream of church service, which was super nice. I really miss my church family and can’t wait to be back home with them!

On Monday we took an array of taxis and tro-tro’s to get back to Kasoa. A tro-tro, by the way, works something like a bus. In reality, it’s a van that crams in 20-25 people, not unlike the public “guaguas” in Puerto Rico. You pay considerably less than a taxi (1 GH cedis vs 20 GH cedis), and can hop on or off at different unmarked places. I think we will try to find out if there is a tro-tro that goes from “Circle” (it’s a huge round-about in Accra, with shops and other stuff near it) to the Accra Mall, since its 6 cedis for a taxi to the mall and another 6 cedis to Lizziey’s cousin’s house. Yes, there is a mall… sort of. It reminds me of the Montehiedras Mall back home, although it is much smaller. Everything is super expensive… at least for us it is. I guess in actuality it is not much different from back home, but we don’t have a lot of money to spend on frivolous whims. Most of our money is spent on transportation and phone credits. Were trying to see if we could take a tro-tro from circle to the Accra mall, which would save us lots of money. We figure that the Accra mall is probably central enough to have a tro-tro stop. Then again, we could be completely wrong about that assumption…

Anyways, we made it back to Kasoa in good time, managing to avoid the 4-hour long evening traffic. We were happy to be back home. J On Tuesday the candidates and sisters went to a nearby beach. Lizziey and I decided it would be better for us to stay home and rest. I feel a little bad because I’m not very big on the whole going out thing, I like to just stay home. Should I be making a more conscious effort to go out and explore?... However, we used the time to be productive. We hand-washed our laundry, graded mid-term exams, cleaned our room, and worked on lesson plans, all things that we needed to get done before Wednesday.

Classes were back in session on Wednesday, and we pretty much had a regular rest of the week. The kids were a little harder to work with than usual because they had just been on break. Each day brought it’s own challenges and rewards. Often, the same kids that exasperate me inside the classroom are the ones who make me smile the most outside it. Every morning I am greeted by an array of “Madam Jamie!” shouts, waves and hugs. As soon as I walk into a classroom, whether I am teaching or not, kids get up and greet me with “Good morning/afternoon Madame Jamie!”. There is also the period right after snack, when I am usually in the B3 classroom waiting for them to arrive. The B1 and B2 kids pass by, on their way to their own classrooms, and as soon as they spot me they excitedly wave and call me “Madam Jamie, Madam Jamie, good morning!”. I look up from my notes to smile and wave, then I urge them to keep walking to their classrooms. I love my crazy kids. They are squirmy, loud, impatient and full of boundless energy. It would be so much easier and fun to just play with them all day, to skip the learning and the discipline. I love them too much to do that though, because I know that they need to learn what I am trying to teach them. So I use everything I have in trying to get them to learn, even when I know they won’t like it, even when I think they might like me less for it.

Maybe that is how God feels about us. He takes us through the hard path, so that we may learn, because He loves us so much. He is asking us to be still, pay attention and wait for His help. When I go around the classroom helping kids on things, they all want me to help them at the same time. I am just one, so I often say they need to be patient, that I am coming around to help everyone but I need them to be still. Granted, God does not need us to wait because He is too busy somewhere else, but He does want us to learn to listen so we can follow instructions and pay attention to Him. He wants us to learn to be patient, to trust that He will come around to explain at the right time. Sometimes we go through rough situations because of our own foolishness; we did not follow instructions or pay attention. Other times it is because it is the only way that He can teach us what we need to learn. The only way He can shape us into who He has planned for us to become.

I know I am here for a reason. I have always known He sent me here with a purpose. I do not know the full purpose, but I can trust that He will reveal it to me in due time. In the meantime I will continue to learn and to teach. Just knowing that I am here for that (leaning and teaching) is more than enough for me. I have already learned so much more than I could’ve imagined, and I know that there is still a lot more to come.

God bless,

~Jamie

A Rocky Road: Lizziey's Long Trip Down Memory Lane

         Most are aware that the tree is my life symbol, serving as a constant reminder that I am to stay "rooted and established" in God's love because of the love He has for me.  I milked my tree symbolism for all that it was worth one summer when I found myself serving as a camp counselor.  

      After two years working in high adventure I found myself uprooted from my comfortable job and placed as a one-on-one counselor for a high school student named B.

      

       You couldn't tell B was in need of a special need counselor when I walked into the scene. She was sitting in the middle of the dining room floor playing cards with fellow campers. Within the first 5 minutes she got up, gave me a hug, and everyone began clearing the tables and cleaning up after dinner. We spent our days serving the other campers; working in the dining hall, picking up trash, cleaning bathrooms.  We sang Taylor Swift songs while the other campers played their guitars.  But in between those times, B suffered greatly. The girl struggled with hearing voices: voices telling her that she didn't deserve to live, voices telling her to hurt herself.
           So I did my best to distract B that summer. We found a Bible verse from Galatians 5:13: " You, my brothers, were called to be free. But, do not use your freedom to indulge in the sinful nature, rather serve one another in love."  We used that verse to find ways to serve others whenever she felt the urge to harm herself. We wrote notes to the staff, we picked up trash, we did whatever we could.

    One particular rough day, B and I took a walk down to a nearby creek with a couple other campers. The creek was icy cold, but we splashed and played in anyway.  This creek was especially beautiful, because it was surrounded by geodes.  I asked all of the girls to pick up a geode. Later that night, we debriefed our creek experience.  

The geode, at first look, is strange looking. 

                             It is wrinkled, orange, ugly. 

                                       Not smooth like the other river rocks.

Yet, when we crack the geodes, their insides are exposed. 

                              And what is there? 

                           Crystals, beautiful, sparkling, gorgeous.

    And together we broke open our ugly rocks. We sat there and realized that when we allow God to use us, it hurts.  We are shattered. When we allow God to break us, it hurts. We are shattered. But only when we allow God to use us as he wants can we see the beauty that is within.

When B left camp, she handed me a large geode she had found. 

B and I bonded even after camp.  We talked on the phone at least once a week.  One chilly November day, I sat in my car outside of Starbucks drinking a warm latte. The rain pounded on my roof as I stared out at US 933 and made plans to meet up with B in Chicago as she walked to her grandparents' house.  We said goodbye when she told me she had arrived safely. 

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There is something about taking the South Shore into Chicago that invigorates my soul. It always leaves me in a contemplative mode. Somewhere around Roosevelt, I picked up my cell phone to call B.

She didn’t answer.

            I went to my friend’s dorm early, anticipating B’s return call.

It never came.

Nor did she answer when I called the next day.

I didn't hear from her for a month. I would call off and on but never a response.

Finally, during the first chill blast of December one of my other campers sent me an email saying how sorry she was. "Sorry for what?"

My camper told me to go check B's Facebook.

I read pages of tributes to her life. But B’s own presence was distinctly absent. I finally found a post that said: "B took her own life on November 17th at her grandparents house."

I picked up B's geode: the first time I'd held it since move-in day.

It cracked into two distinct halves without my prompting.

Like a fault line erupts from the unseen depths of the earth, so stood my geode. Fault lines produce such simple, clean breaks, but manage to wreck havoc on our man-made and God-given world in such a way that it alters the way we view our lives from this day forward.

Closely, I examine my geode. I feel the two heavy pieces in my hands as the crumbs tumble to my dorm room floor. My roommates watch (listen) in bafflement. I barely take notice.

For the new crack has revealed the crystals produced from within, from the very depths of the being that created the fault line to begin with. My geode knew that it was time to shine.

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So you see, if a tree is my constant reminder to be rooted and established in God's love, then a geode is my reminder that God uses us even when it hurts. God thinks we are worthy and beautiful, even when we view ourselves as ugly.  The geode is my reminder that "God's grace is sufficient for me."  
It really shouldn't surprise me then, that the paths in Ghana are covered in geodes. I step on so many geodes every day that my footprints make a "crunch" "crunch" noise as I walk to and from.  
Serving in Ghana is rough.  Actually, it's just different. I struggle with things I did not expect, and things I expected to be difficult are strangely easy. 
My greatest difficulty is with myself. I never feel worthy, feel capable, feel like I am doing the best I can.  But then a geode gets caught in my Chaco, and I realize that God has placed me in a land with the constant reminder, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power made perfect in weakness." 
So I'm still here, letting the roughness of my exterior show, and slowly trusting God to break me so that the love and grace he has poured into me can shine through.

And all that being said, November 17th is quickly approaching. And so, I dedicate this blog post to my friend, B, who I knew for such a short time, but whose life continues to impact me on a daily basis.  My prayer is that I may trust God to use me despite my flaws, just as you always trusted Him.